October is here...

this has always been my most favorite month of the year. i love the crispness of the mornings. the changing of the leaves. the sign that it is time for creation to rest a bit. and now the month of my wedding. october 4, 2015 i will marry the kindest, most thoughtful, handsomest man i've ever known. God is so faithful.

a year ago, i was in such a dark place. engaging in all kinds of self-destructive behaviors. withdrawn from everything and everyone. living a fake life. walking through life in a daze. hoping to get through the next minute without tears and despair and failure. something had to give in my life. my therapist, sarah, was fighting for me every way she knew how. showing me tough love and pushing me to confront my life. i am so grateful for her. for her servant's heart. for her love of our Savior. for her faith in His redemption. i had decided basically under duress to attend the intensive therapy weekend in november. to be honest, i did it to shut her up. my heart was 1/2 in it. thankfully, God took that 1/2 and made me more than whole. He showed me His grace, His freedom, His redemption. my life changed. i finally felt the God i'd wanted for so long. i gave into Him and His plans for me. everyday hasn't been perfect, but everyday has been redeemed and grace-filled and loved. He is so good all the time and all the time He is so good.

september 28 marked 2 years since i last purged. 2 years. wow. redemption is an amazing thing.